


Makeovers

by Cherry_Sofa_729



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Crack, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders hates baths, Fluff, Gen, Gross, Hair Brushing, Hair Washing, Hurt/Comfort, Makeover, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, lice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:53:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cherry_Sofa_729/pseuds/Cherry_Sofa_729
Summary: Remus is turning to the light side, but he’s way way too filthy to stay around. Leave it to the team to make sure he’s presentable
Comments: 4
Kudos: 31





	Makeovers

**Author's Note:**

> He’s a dirty boy, your honour.

Remus had been accepted. 

He had been  _ accepted.  _

Logan still couldn’t believe it as he walked slowly down the dark side hall, Roman practically clinging to his side in the darkness. 

They were coming to collect Remus to bring him back to the light side. 

“Remus? Where are you? It’s time to go to the light side!” Logan called, a pinch of annoyance in his voice.

“Here!” A loud bang sounded from upstairs, followed by the thudding sounds of someone falling down the stairs. 

That something was Remus. 

“I’m just getting my things!” His head perked up, opening his arms to dump a pile of junk at their feet. 

Remus’ most important possessions were apparently a bunch of scrap metal, a half empty (eaten?) makeup case, twenty bottle caps, some teeth, vials of blood, and god knows what else in the shit that tumbled out of his arms. 

He looked at them, eyes wide and mouth open in a toothy grin. “Do you have a box?!”

Roman chuckled nervously. “Um, Rem…” he said, looking around the dilapidated house. “You don’t wanna bring some clothes? A toothbrush or a hairbrush or something?”

“A what?” Remus cocked his head, confused. “I’m wearing all the clothes I own!”

Logan’s eyes widened, giving a stunned look to Roman, who gave an equally stunned look back. Logan wanted to burn those clothes immediately. 

“And I don’t know what those other things are!” He said cheerfully. “Anyway, to the light side!” 

While Roman and Remus walked up ahead, Logan pulled out his phone. 

“Patton, we’ll need all hands on deck. It’s way worse than we thought.” 

They came up to the light side’s living room, Remus looking around while bouncing on his heels.

“Could use more blood!” He chirped, turning back to the two. “Whatcha staring at?”

They were staring at, well, him. 

In the dark side, the light had been too dim to really see the state Remus was in, the smell of the whole place too musty and damp to distinguish the absolutely  horrid  smell coming from Remus.

They had left him alone for months. They didn’t realize Remus was practically incapable of taking care of himself!

The Duke was filthy. No other way to say it. He was coated in guck, muck, sweat and smelled like a cross between a high school locker room and the garbage dump where serial killers throw human cadavers. 

Grime was so deep in his skin Logan was doubtful all the scrubbing in the world could get it off of him. 

His hair, which had always been long, was touching his shoulders, so greasy it looked wet, knotted into huge rats nests. His bangs clearly had been cut by Remus’ own inexperienced hand, choppy and uneven. 

His clothes were stained with all manner of horrible colours, bright yellows that looked like cat puke to the deep reds of blood. 

His nails coiled into long claws, skin dry, cracked and calloused under all that dirt. Scars littered his figure, bruises on his forehead, still bleeding cuts on his cheek and hands. His makeup looked less like carefully messy and more like smudged charcoal around his eyes, barely hiding the massive under-eye bags from lack of sleep. His lips were cracked and peeling. 

Logan wanted to burn him alive. Or, maybe just all his skin off, so he could be rid of the smell. 

He took a step closer and got another whiff of… whatever muck Remus was slathered in and almost keeled over. 

Roman wasn’t so subtle, plugging his nose and dragging Logan to his side. 

“We can’t let him live here if he’s gonna be this… filthy!”

“I know. That’s why I’m proposing a- what do you call it?”

“A makeover?!” Roman squealed. He  loved  makeovers, and his brother would be his biggest challenge yet. It would be honestly impressive if he could manage to shape him into anything remotely  tolerable. 

“Yes, a makeover. But first… we need to get him into the bathroom.” 

“Leave that to me.” Roman winked. He spun around, now facing his brother who was still looking around the room. “Hey Remus! Wanna see a big bug I found?”

Remus’ eyes lit up. “Do I!”

Roman smirked. “Right this way!” 

Remus dropped his box of things and ran after his twin with the enthusiasm of a newborn puppy. 

Logan teleported to the bathroom, revealing the snake sitting on the counter, filing his nails. 

“I didn’t know asking Patton for backup meant just you.”

“Pat and Virge are upstairs working on his room and the other steps.” 

“Thanks. But you couldn’t have told us he was absolutely disgusting?!” Logan snapped. 

Janus barely dignified him with a glance. “I thought you knew.” He hummed. “I am here to help, anyway.” He snapped his fingers, summoning tight rubber gloves and face masks on both himself and Logan. 

He pulled the mask down. “Have you been touching him?”

“No.”

“Good, cuz he DEFINITELY has lice.”

“What?!” Logan screamed, drawing his arms in on himself. 

“Relax, you won’t have lice. Now.” With another click of his fingers he summoned a massive bucket of soapy water. He pulled his mask up. “Let’s do this.”

The second Remus opened the bathroom door, there was a shove to his back and he stumbled forward. More shoves, someone yanking at his shirt, pulling off the complicated costume piece and spinning him around in the process. His head spun a little as he lost his balance. He tripped on something cold and hard, about knee height. 

Falling into the cold, hard… thing, he caught his balance and stood up. 

“What are you-“

He looked around. 

He was in a bathroom… in a bathtub… Janus was sitting on the counter, Logan near the toilet, and Roman right in front of him, looming over the edge of the tub. 

Roman kept a strong hand on his chest, keeping him pinned as he yanked off Remus’ boots, socks, and pants, and he was too confused to even make a dirty joke out of it. 

“What’s going on?!” He shouted, looking at Janus. 

He narrowed his eyes. Janus had a huge bucket of something in his hand- 

SPLASH! With a torrential rush, Janus tossed the bucket of lukewarm water over Remus’ head. 

He sputtered, the water draining away as he shook himself dry like a dog, water splattering the tiled wall. “What was that for?!” He yelled, looking up at the snake through his soaked bangs. 

“You’re not living with the light sides’ until you’re squeaky clean.” Roman said with a cheeky grin. 

Remus paled. He was getting a  bath?!  He hated baths! 

With a snap of his jaws and a snarl, he backed up against the cold linoleum wall. “No way! Nuh uh!” That was NOT happening! He couldn’t… being clean was just not fun! 

“This is not a debate.” Logan said smoothly, picking up another truly massive container, this one filled with a sick green liquid called ‘Disinfectant’. 

Remus paled, shaking as he knew what was coming. “No, no please-“

SPLASH! He was coated in thick, goopy, green slime that made his skin tingle and his cuts burn. 

“That should take care of the lice.” Logan said with a proud smile. 

Remus scoffed. “I don’t have lice!” He said, scratching the back of his head. The disinfectant dripped from his nose, his ears, his fingertips. God, he hated baths. 

“We have to wait a few minutes for it to work. Ro, do you think his clothes are salvageable?” Janus asked. 

Roman picked up Remus’ shirt, pinched between his thumb and forefinger. He gave it a sniff, before throwing his head to the side and gagging. “Nooooo.” 

“Well, then get rid of them.” Roman just… he just threw his outfit into a bag! That was his pride and joy! He spent years building up the filth on that costume! 

“I’m sure his boxers are also filthy but I don’t really want to look at that and I’m sure neither of you do either.” Janus snapped his fingers and the shower began to run, washing away the green goop. 

Remus watched it run off his skin, flowing down the drain. What if he could do that? Go live in the sewers with the rats and cockroaches. 

“Now that he’s not any danger, let’s start phase two.” All three of them snapped into swim trunks, still wearing the mask and rubber gloves. Another snap and they held soapy scrub brushes. 

Remus gulped. He was finished. “G-g-guys, can’t we just talk about this-“

And they pounced. They started to rub his skin raw, every inch they could get at was scrubbed with disgusting sweet-smelling soap. Ugh, by the end of this he would smell like daisies! 

They showed no mercy, determined to get him clean as a whistle. Even areas he thought they’d avoid, like his feet and pits, they cleaned with even more vengeance. As much as he shrieked, howled and thrashed, there was no freeing himself from their wrath. As soon as he managed to escape for even a moment, they grabbed his ankle and pulled him right back into their assault. 

The water was running black when they finished. 

Janus gave him a once over. “Now that’s better.” He said with a small, pleased smile. 

Remus fixed him with the biggest scowl he could manage. 

Logan blinked. Under all that filth, well, Remus had… freckles. 

A lot of freckles. He’s was as pale as a ghost, which made the brown dots speckled across his face, chest, and arms pop. The scars and cuts were even more pronounced with no dirt to mask them. 

The freckles were… cute. 

His makeup was running, so Janus grabbed a makeup wipe and cleaned his face, being gentle around the eyes. Remus grunted and whined as Janus cleaned his face like a mother wiping her messy toddler. 

He pulled back and threw out the wipe, patting Remus on the cheek for his good behaviour.

Remus pouted, arms crossed as he looked down at his stupid, clean body. There wasn’t a speck of dirt or filth left! What now? How was he supposed to repel everyone when he smelt _good?_

“Next, hair.” Logan brandished a brush like a sword. 

Remus clutched his head, bending over to hide his hair and hopefully stop the torture. 

Janus yanked his hands off and Roman forced him upright. He struggled like mad as Logan rubbed deep-cleaning shampoo into his roots. “Ugh, the dandruff is disgusting.” He muttered focusing extra hard on the nest-like knots. 

Next came conditioner, and while it was still in, Logan started to attack his head. 

Now, while the other things were unpleasant, this downright  hurts. 

Remus howled, screamed as he thrashed like a wild animal, trying to get away from the tugs to his head, tears welling up at a particularly hard yank. 

“How did you do this to yourself?!” Logan snapped as he tugged and pulled on the nest. 

“STAAAAAP!” Remus whined, feeling like his very skull was being pulled apart. He tried to fight out of Logan’s grip but it only made him yank harder. 

“Hold still! You’re making it worse!”

Remus did not hold still. Remus was not going to just subject himself to this torture. 

“Let Janus do it! He won’t make it hurt!”

"Oh hon it most certainly will still hurt. Your hair's a mess." Janus clicked his tongue as he looked over Logan’s work. “It’ll be over soon, over faster if you stay still.”

“Jannnn! It hurts!” He wanted Janus to make Logan stop, dammit!

There’s a loud RIPPPP sound and Logan cursed. 

“The brush broke.” He said, frustrated as he summoned another one, throwing away the other. 

He thinks to himself, before summoning a bottle of detangle spray. 

“This will help.” He said, spraying it all over the knots and finding the brush going through a little smoother this time. 

It took half an hour, with Logan trading off with his partners, to get his hair in a suitable condition and the (now dead) lice out. After a deep brushing, detangling the clumped nests, Logan washed out the conditioner and started to work on the smaller knots with a comb. 

The lice required an even finer comb to remove the dead bugs, a task given to Janus after Roman screamed at the fact that Remus had bugs in the first place. 

Another rinse, and his hair was deemed lice-free and throughly detangled. 

Remus wanted to pout, he really did, but his hair felt so  soft  and  smooth  and  nice . Even while wet. He couldn’t stop running his fingers through it, feeling like his scalp could finally breathe again. 

Janus picked up the brush again, even though there wasn’t any work to do. He knew how much Remus loved to have hands on his head, fingers through his hair, maybe he could recreate that same feeling with a brush?

He gently started brushing through Remus’ hair again, trying to be as gentle as possible. 

With each stroke Remus felt a little more relaxed, the brush feeling so good against his scalp and the soothing feeling of small plastic teeth running through his hair. 

A low rumble rolled through his chest. The feeling was so  nice. 

“Is that satisfying?” Logan asked, Remus nodding sleepily. 

“Don’t stop.” He mumbled as Janus pulled the brush through from the roots to the tip. 

Logan reached his hand up and scratched behind Remus’ ear.

That felt  even better.  Fingers carding through his hair and scratching at his scalp. His foot began to beat against the side of the tub like a dog when you give it pets. 

He whined as the brush went away and Roman slipped into the tub with him. Sitting in front of the Duke, he held Remus’ claw-like hand in a death grip, but still, every time he approached him with the nail clipper, he pulled away. 

“C’mon Remus, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

Remus only growled and snapped his jaws, leaning in to try and scare Roman. “Touch me with that and I’ll attach it your nipples!”

“Breath, bro. You can’t live here and accidentally scratch Virgil or Patton, okay?”

Remus took in a deep breath, trying to hold still as best he could. 

With every cut to his nails, he squeaked and jerked back a little, blinking away the tears in his eyes. He tried so hard not to kick when Roman cut his toenails too. 

“Can you hold still? Giving you a mani pedi isn’t exactly easy.” Roman snapped, starting to buff and file his nails.

“You dragged me into this.” He growled. “You pulled my hair, scrubbed me raw, of course I don’t want to stay still!”

Roman sighed, to trimming his cuticles. “I’m sorry. But we’ve got to do this. And we knew you wouldn’t agree willingly. But makeovers can be fun if you let them be!”

“Maybe.” He shrugged, but he doubted it. 

At least he felt better. His skin no longer felt like ants were constantly crawling across it, and his head didn’t itch anymore. 

“Besides, this stuff is the boring part.” He remarked, taking a glob of intense repair hand cream and rubbing it in. 

“It better be.”

Roman finished up with his nails- forming them

into stupid not-sharp almond shapes- and Janus traded off with him for step three. With the water still running, Janus popped the top off of a container of sugar scrub. 

Remus backed up as far as possible into the wall of the bathtub. “What’s that?!”

“You’ll like this. It’s like sand, see?” Janus scooped up a bit of the scrub and held it out for him to see. “And, you can eat it.”

“Really?” Remus leaned forward, like a rabbit tempting an offering of carrots. He sniffed the air near the dark, sugary mess in Janus’ outstretched palm. “Can I try some?”

“Sure.” 

Remus crawled forward, licking the stuff off Janus’ palm. Janus didn’t even flinch. 

Remus considered the flavour. “Grainy, really sweet. Kinda bitter. What do you do with this shit?”

“You scrub it on your skin. It gets all the dead skin off.”

“Really?! Can I see the dead skin? Can I pick it up and touch it?!”

“Sure. Let’s see if you can.”

Remus happily took a bit of the scrub and rubbed it up and down his leg. He did his whole leg, willingly, before showing Janus the clump of dead skin cells. He kept working until his dead skin was completely rubbed off. 

“There! That felt like sandpaper! Imagine sandpaper but it just never stops, rubbing away all your skin until it hits bone-“

“Okay! I think it’s time to get out of the bath!” Janus said with a tense smile. 

“YAY!” Remus cheered, climbing out of the tub with a shocking amount of speed. Hey. It wasn’t like he wanted to be in there  longer.  That experience was torturous enough. 

Logan caught him in a towel hug and dried him off, lightly towelling his hair. While he was patted dry by Logan, Roman pulled out a bottle of lotion. 

“Ooh! Is that lube?” He asked excitedly, jumping a little as Logan tried to keep him in the towel. 

“No, it’s lotion. It will stop your skin from being dry and cracked.” Logan said, as Roman quickly began to slather it over his whole body. 

Remus chuckled. It felt a lot like lube. He wiped some of it off on his finger and licked it. It tasted fruity, for some reason. 

“Let that soak in. Now, upstairs for the rest!”


End file.
